Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
