Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
