I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
