Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
