I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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