Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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