omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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