u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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