I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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