A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
