Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
