my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
