that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh god it's open bar.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
