she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
