Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
