I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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