Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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