Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
