i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
