I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
