just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
