Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
