i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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