no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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