i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
