Sry I called you an 8
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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