He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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