you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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