dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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