We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
