I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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