looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
