we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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