OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
