make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
