So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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