Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
