i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
