Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
