What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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