You made me cry and you don't even care
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
