Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
false alarm. still invincible.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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