I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
