If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
