im drinking this country out of the recession.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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