You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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