New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
