Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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