its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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