Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
