it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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