I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My first STD was from a foam party
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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