I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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