You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
