to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
