did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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