Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
