I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
