I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
